60 above zero: Floridians turn on the heat. New Englanders plant gardens.
50 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People are sunbathing in New England.
40 above zero: Imported cars won't start. People in New England drive Fords and Chevy pickups with the windows rolled down, cars with the sunroof open.
32 above zero: Distilled water freezes. The water in New England gets thicker.
20 above zero: New Mexicans put on long johns, parkas, wool hats and mittens. People in New England throw on a flannel shirt.
15 above zero: New York landlords finally turn on the heat. People in New England have one last cookout before it gets cold.
Zero: People in Miami all die. People in New England close the windows.
10 below zero: Californians and Texans fly away to Mexico. People in New England dig their winter coats out of storage.
25 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. Girl Scouts in New England are still selling cookies door to door.
40 below zero: Washington, D.C., finally runs out of hot air. People in New England let their dogs sleep indoors.
100 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. People in New England get upset because the Mini-van won't start.
460 below zero: ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale). People in New England can be heard to say, "Cold e'nuff for ya?"
500 below zero: Hell freezes over. New England public schools open two hours late.
You're not getting cold, are you? Don't be a wuss.