What Really Grinds My Gears

You know what really grinds my gears?

It's those damn automated ques you have to go through whenever you call ANY business these days.  It doesn't matter what the business is.  It could be your doctor's office, your bank, your insurance company, whatever.  They are all the same.

Okay, you've got some kind of problem and you want to take care of it.  It doesn't matter what the problem is.  You call the business - 1-800-whatever.  Do you get a person?  NOOOO!!!  You get a damn recording. 

They all go something like this:

Thank you for calling Whatever Inc.  Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed.

It seems that every freaking business you call their menu options have recently changed.

To make it even more aggravating, most of them repeat the same message in Spanish so we have to wait for that.  We're anxious to get our problem solved and we have to wait for them to repeat the same damn message in Spanish.

Then it continues:

For English press one.  For Spanish press two.  Then it again repeats in Spanish.

Okay, at least you've pressed one so you don't have to wait while they repeat it again in Spanish.

Again it continues:

If you know your party's extension, enter it now followed by the pound sign.  

There's a brief wait then it continues:

For office hours press one, for directions, press two, for billing, press three, for customer service, press four.

Okay, now we're getting somewhere.  Customer service!  That sounds like the one we want.  You press four.  But instead of a human you get the machine again.  It divides all the different services or products the company deals with into different departments, and now you have to sit there while the damn machine lists all the departments and which number to press.

Then it says:

To hear these options again, press eight, to return to the main menu press nine.  Well, you heard the department you think you need to talk to so you pressed the number they told you.

One of three things will happen.  One, you get to finally speak to a live person.  Two, which is more likely, the machine says, "All our customer service representatives are busy helping other customers.  Your call is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received."  This could mean you wait a minute, or you could wait a half hour or more.  Meanwhile, the machine keeps playing the same annoying messages over and over and over again like, "Did you know our company also provides blah, blah, blah.

The third possibility is the worst of all.  After pushing all those buttons and going through the entire que, the machine says, "So and so is not available.  Please leave a message at the tone."

I don't know about you but at this point I'm ready to scream.  The last time that happened to me I was so pissed my recorded message was - and I quote myself, "FUCK OFF!"

Also, while you're going through all of this you could be cut off accidentally (or maybe deliberately) at any time and you have to start from square one.

It's at times like this I wish I had one of those gizmos for measuring blood pressure because mine is surely going through the roof.  And the worst thing about all of this is there isn't a damn thing you can do about it.  Complaining won't help.  Customer service reps have even been known to hang up on people when they complain.  In their defense, it's not their fault, they just work there.  It's the company's fault and the rep can't do thing one about it..

That's what really grinds my gears this week.

The following clips from Married:  With Children are a perfect example.  For some reason they are in small clips rather than one larger clip.  Not my doing.  Enjoy!  They are about five minutes when you add them together.

Ain't it the truth!


  1. Great Post!

    The reason why these companies make you go through all of this crap to reach them is because they don't want to deal with your problems. It's all psychologically designed to get you frustrated and hang up. Just another characteristic of living in a Judeo Capitalist system. 88

    1. The only thing that grinds my gears more than these damn automated telephone systems are traffic jams. At least I can watch TV when I'm on hold.

      Dan 88!


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