Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub when one buys a whole bottle of whiskey.
Paddy said, "Michael, when I die I was wonderin' if you would do me a favour.
"What would that be?" Michael asks.
Paddy explains, "I want you to take this bottle and pour it all over me grave."
"Sure n' I'd be glad to boy-o," said Michael. "But do you mind if I run it through me kidneys first?"
Angus stood before the judge waiting for him to pronounce sentence on him.
The judge said, "Young man, before I sentence you, I want to tell you that this is all the fault of alcohol. That and that alone."
Angus replied, "Thank you your Lordship. That makes me feel a lot better. Everyone keeps telling me it's all MY fault!"
I usually hate it when St. Patrick's Day is not on a weekend, but at least this year we'll all have an excuse for being drunk at work!